Montessori with a newborn??? What?
The Montessori approach to education is well-known at the toddlers and preschooler age, but did you know it can be done from birth?
This is because Montessori is not just an educational method, but an approach to all of life.
Today I’ll share with you how we prepared our home to welcome a baby, provided baby with a smooth and calming transition from the womb to the outside world, and finally offer up a few of my postpartum recommendations for a good beginning.
Before birth
Self-preparation
I readied myself for the birth by visualising the type of birth I wanted. I took a hypnobirthing online class and hired a doula. If you have had previous births, it also helps to reflect on them, and think about the bright spots and regrets from those. If you had a difficult, speedy or unexpected birth previously that you were not prepared for, you may have some trauma or negative associations with birth, and may like to process that before giving birth.
In addition, I discussed with my husband the practical support structures we would need.
Things expecting couples often talk about:
- Birth plan
- What to pack in the hospital bag
- Visitors to the hospital
- Arranging help in the days after birth e.g. confinement food or food drop-offs by friends/ family, confinement nanny, grandparents to look after older siblings if any
- How to prepare older siblings for the arrival of baby
- Nursery decor
- Baby gear and toys
- Baby name
Things expecting couples should also talk about:
- Views on lactation, breastfeeding and who has the final say (it may be an equal partnership between you and your spouse, but I am of the view that whoever is the main caregiver to the baby gets a bigger say because that person is carrying out most of the nurturing and spending the most time with baby)
- How to help each other deal with sleep deprivation
- Roles and boundaries for in-laws/ grandparents
- How to ensure older siblings get enough parental attention and time too
- Long-term vision for one’s family and the childhood one wants to provide one’s child
Speaking of a long-term vision for one’s family, pregnancy is the time to read up and research. I would recommend these two books for Montessori from birth:
- Understanding the Human Being by Silvana Montanaro (required text on my AMI 0-3 course, extremely comprehensive, but hard to find and some find the language heavy and advice dated)
- The Montessori Baby by Simone Davies and Junnifa Uzodike (easy to understand graphics and tables, authentic and widely available)
I also found some mantras I resonated with, and recited them to myself before and during childbirth. Such as, “Every surge brings me closer to meeting my baby”, “My body was designed for this”, and the simplest of them all (but one which expecting mothers are prone to forgetting: “Breathe”.
Environmental preparation
Maria Montessori observed that children had a sensitive period for language from birth to 6yo, and during this sensitive period, children could learn language flawlessly and easily… provided there was rich linguistic input.
Knowing what we know now about fetal development in the womb, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to say that the sensitive period for language may begin in utero.
Babies in the womb can hear outside stimuli from about 23weeks onwards, so my husband, children and I spoke to baby alot so he would recognise the voices of his family members. We sang and played songs. (We continued to sing these songs after birth, so baby would have a familiar auditory touchpoint.) I recently heard of a beautiful tradition where mothers wear harmony ball necklaces (with tiny chimes encased inside the ball), so the baby can hear it in utero and after he is born.
When I neared full term of the pregnancy, on the advice of my doula, we also began to tell baby that he could come when he was ready, and that we were waiting for him and welcomed him. We reiterated this in the throes of active labour and as baby was crowning (my husband, not me; my energies were focused on labouring not talking!)!
At and after birth
Self-preparation (and care)
The mother has just experienced a major life change. You need to recover from it. If you have had a C-section, that is major abdominal surgery. It is worth parking aside funds for support after birth.
For me, the most valuable supports were a a Confinement meal delivery and a Lactation consultant.
A Lactation Consultant was also invaluable in helping me. It may be my third time nursing a baby, but it is this baby’s first time. We had to deal with mild tongue tie, shallow latch, mastitis, and reflux in the first eight weeks, and many times I felt like giving up breastfeeding. But with the right individual support, we are still nursing 🙂
In Chinese culture, childbirth is seen as a blow to one’s lifeforce (qi). When you understand the severity of childbirth, you will then understand the need for a complete and extensive recuperation. It is not normal for the woman to “bounce back” after a couple days. In fact, a traditional confinement lasts 30-40days, during which we have this practice of hiring a “moon lady” (Yue Sao). She will live with the family for a month, care for the baby, cook nutritious food and take over mother’s chores so that mother can recover.
I didn’t hire a confinement lady due to previous bad experiences, but I did order a confinement meal delivery service. It helped to not only offset the cooking load, but rebuild my energy. It is believed that if you neglect yourself in confinement, you may suffer minor aches and ailments for years after, like back pain. Conversely, the aches and pains can be cured by doing successive confinements well.
Environmental preparation
Imagine going from the dark, muffled environment of the womb, to a light, bright noisy outside world. To provide a smooth transition, prepare the environment into which baby will be born.
At birth
You can give birth when you feel safe, undisturbed and have privacy. I gave birth in my living room, with the lights off.
I like this analogy: When it was time for ancient hunter-gatherers to give birth, the woman would go into the cave, while the man would stand outside to guard the cave from predators. Our roles may not that different today – the birthing mother requires privacy, while the birthing partner fends off disturbances that may stall labour. Little tip: if you’re delivering in a hospital, you can write in your birth plan that you wish to turn the lights off in your delivery suite and set a nice atmosphere with fragrance and fairy lights. Freedom to move around and wear one’s own clothes also help one feel more comfortable and in control, less like a patient.
After birth (0-8weeks)
Give baby a “house tour” to orient him. When we brought baby home from the hospital, we gave him a “house tour” to welcome him home. I brought baby to different rooms in the home and told him where he was, who lived here, and that he was a part of our family.
“You live here,” I said to baby.
“…You were born here!” My 7yo interjected.
Keep lighting dim, curtains drawn and speak in hushed voices (where possible) for the first two months of life, as baby is still adjusting to the world.
Sing and play the same songs in pregnancy and after birth. All of these familiar touchpoints are “points of reference” that baby can use to orient himself to his new environment.
Just as the mother’s womb was baby’s first environment, the mother remains very much baby’s environment after birth. Babies aren’t very good at regulating themselves, and need to be in constant contact with an adult caregiver to regulate their nervous system, body temperature and processing! It is no wonder that newborns will sleep longer in a sling or carrier, than in the crib- and this is totally normal.
Cuddle that baby, wear that baby as long as you like, and don’t listen to people who say you’ll “create bad habits”… babies can’t be spoiled and they don’t keep.
Your skin, warmth, scent and voice are all points of reference that help baby feel secure.
Other aspects of the baby’s environment to prepare
A topponcino
I slept with the topponcino for a week to transfer my scent to it. Scent is powerfully evocative and comforting. The topponcino was used daily in the movement area, as well as for older siblings to hold a wriggly, tiny newborn without disturbing them too much.
A movement area (separate from sleeping)
In this movement area, you may prepare some art for baby to look at and mobiles. Later on, you may add a couple of simple toys like this wooden ring that baby can grasp.
Clothing that allows movement, not restricts it
Baby lived in onesies by day and footless PJs (and a wearable sleeping bag) by night- I favoured wrapover/ kimono/ snaps down the middle styles, rather than those that needed to be pulled over baby’s head. I also kept his hands and feet uncovered as much as possible so he could find them and develop his motor skills.
Going from amniotic fluid to a world where he experiences hot and cold can be a drastic change, so clothing must be chosen for comfort rather than cuteness. Skin is also the largest organ, so we bought clothes that were pure cotton, and breathable for our tropical climate.
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This was a seriously long post- congrats if you’ve made it to the end! Summarising below:
There is a saying: start as you would like to continue. And with Montessori you certainly can, even if it doesn’t look exactly like what you’ve envisioned or seen on social media.
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