My children attended two different AMI-accredited schools (features of a Montessori school here) in London. Here are some of the ways we helped them have a smooth transition and have a positive first experience of school.
I was really impressed by how rigorous the process was. We actually visited about 5 Montessori schools in London, 3 of them AMI/ AMI-accredited. We had to
- Fill out a form entitled My Unique Child, which included questions on comforting phrases in child’s mother tongue, how the child likes to be cuddled or soothed when upset and child’s interests. For instance, I mentioned that Dylan was into trains and the first set of three-part cards they introduced him to was on transport. (Most schools have some kind of form but whether they actually strategically use the information to make the child feel welcome, I am not sure.)
- Complete a school visit without the child, a school visit with the child, a home visit from the teacher once the child has been offered a place. The home visit is not to judge the parents (heh), but rather to see a different side of the child, as he would be more comfortable and natural in his home environment.
- For my 4yo, he started at 1hour a day, increasing by 15min each day until he reached the full 3hr work cycle. For my 2.5yo who was the youngest in the class, she started at 30min a day, increasing by 15min every two days until she reached the full 3hr work cycle. Actually, the teacher observed that she was somewhat unnerved by the bigger children in the small cloakroom, and suggested that she arrive 10min after everyone else, so she could have her full attention. (I cannot imagine this flying with working parents or in Singapore, where the standard practice is to accompany the child for a day and thereafter leave the child to adjust on his own! However, I must admit that such a slow transition is probably gentler on the child.)
Two more considerations
- Have your child attend on consecutive days e.g. Mon and Tues instead of Mon and Fri, as that builds abit of consistency into the routine and helps the child settle in faster
- Many Montessori schools request that the child be fully toilet-trained before entering the Children’s House (2.5/ 3-6yo). I’ve found that most are open to accepting children that age, as long as they have started toilet learning.
1. Keep daily routines exactly the same, to support their sense of order.
Young children (esp ard 2ish) are in a sensitive period for order. Going to school and separation from one’s parents is a huge change, so keep everything else constant. I also told E every night what to expect the next morning, down to the finest detail: “I will hug you and say goodbye, then your teacher will say good morning and shake your hand.”
This book, about a duckling starting school, isn’t exactly Montessori, but it was an essential part of Emmy’s bedtime routine when starting school. She would request us to read this to her daily, without fail. (How to choose Montessori-friendly books here) Best part was it cost me 1.80GBP and shipping was free.
2. For the first few weeks, keep home life as dull as possible, so school seems exciting.
We pack our weekends with children’s plays, farmers’ markets and playgrounds. But on weekdays, we tend to be low-key and stay close to home. Give them lots of downtime so they can decompress. The children choose lots of reproductive play (re-enacting real life through make-believe, like taking trains, delivering food), practical life, drawing and painting.
For the first few Thursdays and Fridays of schools, children may be abit tired from the week’s happenings, so we try to stay in and keep things even calmer on those days to preserve their energy for school.
3. Complement their Montessori school experience with a Montessori home experience- giving them choices and independence.
The freedom to choose work in a Montessori classroom is completely different from the structure of a regular classroom. It may take time for a child to adjust to the freedom within limits. At home, do not replicate the classroom or the child will be disinterested in both.
Instead, provide him with freedom within limits but in very practical and authentic ways:
Choosing his own clothes and getting dressed/ groomed independently, having access to a few quality toys and knowing where to return them to, letting them prepare their own snacks. Some non-Montessori parents of the children’s classmates have shared with us how their children will line up their shoes nearly, fold all the laundry and cut vegetables at home!
If your child is still in diapers, I also find that carrying out toilet learning at home and in school dramatically expedites the process just because of the consistency.
4. Acknowledge their fears and tears.
Crying is perfectly normal and healthy. Instead of brushing it aside, I try to acknowledge it but I also realise there is a fine line between validating their fears and unknowingly encouraging them to dwell on it, which isn’t healthy either.
Upon asking E why she cried so long (30-45min) in school, she said, “because I want mama”. To which I said, “Awww, I know you do. It’s your first time away from me!” But instead of dwelling on it, I would then give one of three responses:
- Discuss another way in which she can express that sadness: “Instead of crying, you can tell your teacher how you feel? What would you like to say? (If no response) Teacher, I’m feeling sad today because I want my mama?”
- Recap the tearful transition in a comedic, light-hearted but not flippant way. This is a technique called “flipping the lid” from Dan Siegel’s Whole Brain Child (succinct review and image source here). Those big emotions that the child feels originate from the “downstairs brain”, recapping it with fact (and my preference is with humour) helps her “upstairs brain” to process it, making it seem less scary.
- Remind her that she does have happy moments in school: “When I fetched you today, I saw your friend smiling and talking to you.”
5. Keep the separation short and cheerful.
I was told by the assistant head when visiting an AMI Children’s House that children must have “the separation at the door”. It demarcates them leaving their parents’ arms and entering the children’s house. Make the separation more painless with a quick and upbeat goodbye. Dragging it out makes it worse and gives the child more chance to enter a meltdown, which is hard to arrest when it’s at full-blown proportions. In our case, the teacher observed that E actually settled faster when she saw me walk away, so instead of having E walk through the door first, she would wait a few seconds to let E watch me walking away. That few seconds made the difference between tears and no tears.
6. Remind your child that you will come back.
It need not be said in such a direct way. You can also include in your summary of the next morning’s routine (point 1) what you will do after picking your child up from school. This is not a bribe or reward, but merely part of the order of your day: “after school, we will go to the supermarket to buy an aubergine”. In that sense, the child has something to look forward to and knows you will return for her.
7. After schools, resist the urge to bombard your child with questions
For if you ask, “what did you do?”, your child will probably say, “nothing”. Instead, tell him about your day. And let him tell you in his own time.
Worksheets are the furthest thing from Montessori so you probably won’t see alot of written work or crafts coming home with your child. (But hey, that means you don’t have to rack your brains over where to store all the crafts!) At the end of one term, we received a few bits of sewing and two paintings D had made.
It may be scary to not have visible proof of your child’s learning, but please know that your child works with concrete materials designed especially to engage all his senses in learning, with longer-lasting impact than a worksheet. Your child probably spent some time outdoors, gardening, growing plants, then harvesting the veggies for lunch with other children. He might have served himself a healthy snack with a friend, practising social graces and the art of conversation with a peer. He participated in small groups on singing, reading, and grace and courtesies. He may have been given a one-on-one lesson by a teacher on his specific interests and needs. If she is a younger child, she was probably taken under the wing of an older classmate and shown what to do. If he is an older child, he probably gave a lesson to another child on a favourite set of materials.
Can you not see proof of the child’s learning? Paint stains on his jeans mean he has been making art. Crumbs around his mouth mean he has been making himself a snack. Dirt under his nails mean he has been gardening. To paraphrase Dr Maria Montessori, the child who concentrates is immensely happy. When he has completed his work, he becomes calm and peaceful. He goes out of his way to help others. Even if I see nothing else, I see that in my children when I pick them up from school.
Everything is geared towards ensuring that the child looks forward to school and is joyful in the classroom. When teachers and parents collaborate to give the child a positive experience of school (especially if it’s their first), it can really cultivate a love of learning for years to come.
This is Part 2 of a series on transitioning to a Montessori school.